Manna in the Wilderness

Originally Written in May of 2018 but when I came across it I thought it fit for such a time as this.

Once again, I find myself in transition. My husband resigned his position and I have retired from over 40 years of teaching piano. What are we going to do when our paychecks run out but there are still bills to be paid? For as long as I can remember I had the promise of some form of income in the fall. The salary of a rural pastor is almost always not quite enough to make ends meet so the subsidy of teaching music lessons has saved the day on more than one occasion. This fall not only will my income not be present, neither will his. Plus, we have a huge mortgage. Did we hear God correctly when he said to me, “retire now”, and to my husband, “resign now”? It doesn’t make good economic sense.  

We live about two hours from a wilderness campground we love to go to. There are no services out there. You have to bring your own water, firewood, and even your own toilet. It is quiet and serene. Less than a week after my husband’s resignation we found ourselves heading west to this place of shalom, hoping to meet with God.

Upon leaving our friend said, with a tone of sarcasm in her voice, “Good luck finding a camping spot on the May Long Weekend.” So, we prayed asking Jesus to reserve a spot for us. I hoped for our favourite site, but my main desire was to be in a site where we could experience the presence of God. Our souls were wounded. We were panicking with the prospect of having to sell our home in a dead market with no job leads. August 31 was careening toward us at break-neck speed. We needed some direction, a little bit of hope in what felt like a hopeless situation.

As we pulled closer to that desired spot set way back in the woods, we noticed it was empty. There was a young couple with a tent near the road but the path to the back site was open. I asked whether they minded if we camped back there and they welcomed us with smiles.

On exploring the campground, we realized that the meadow behind our camper was full of crocuses. It was the only place in the entire campground where they were still in bloom. The weather was beautiful, warm and sunny. The songbirds sang their worship songs. For the first time in months we could hear the clap of leaves as the breeze blew through the trees.

As we sat by the fire that evening, we noticed the young couple near us gleaning wood from the forest around us. Clearly, they had not brought their own firewood with them. But undaunted, whenever their fire got low, they would go scavenging. So, the next day we decided to help them out. As we walked around the campground, we picked up bits and pieces of wood left by previous campers and any driftwood large enough to be worth it. We chopped the larger pieces for them as they had no axe of their own. We piled it at the edge of their site and went on our merry way.

I was like a pin ball ricocheting back and forth between worshipping God for the good things he was doing, and the pain we were experiencing from the feelings of rejection in ministry. He gave us our campsite. Where were we going to be moving? He gave us such amazing weather. How are we ever going to sell our house? He sent birds to sing over us. What are we going to do for employment when summer is gone?

Frankly, I just could not shake the anger I was feeling at the injustice of what lead to my husband’s resignation. No matter what good things God was providing I just came back to the anger and the deep grief. I could not seem to bring myself to trust God. Was he big enough for this? This transition was going to be huge!

As we sat by our fire in the late afternoon sun, contemplating getting supper ready, our neighbor came over carrying a package in his hands. “We really appreciate your help in bringing us wood and chopping it up for us. Would you accept Mediterranean BBQ as our thanks?” Who gets five-star Mediterranean BBQ delivered to your campsite way out in the wilderness?!! This gentleman did not know Mediterranean food is our favourite…unless of course he was an angel and God told him to bring it over. I believe in angels! I believe in an extravagant God who showers his people with his love.

I wept. Even after all my caterwauling God still blessed me. And he didn’t only bless me, He got very specific. This was extravagant grace beyond anything I have ever experienced except for Jesus’ gift of salvation. This was totally undeserved, unexpected, unusual, and tailor-made for me and my husband. Oh, I wept. Yes, I trust you God!! You provided manna in the wilderness.

““To whom will you compare me? Who is my equal?” asks the Holy One. Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing. O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights? Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:25–31, NLT)

We were hoping to have some sort of epiphany so that when we came home, we would have direction as to where we were to re-locate and take new employment. God did not give us any information as to our future. God did let us know he is especially fond of us and will look after us no matter where we find ourselves. He showed me that he knows me. He knows just what I need and when I need it.

It turns out what I really needed was God’s presence. His love and comfort. I did not need to know if or when our house would sell, where we are going to be moving, what employment my husband and I will find or if we’ll find it by summer’s end. I just needed to know that God sees me. He knows me. He has got this.

““But as for you, Israel my servant, Jacob my chosen one, descended from Abraham my friend, I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, ‘You are my servant.’ For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” (Isaiah 41:8–10, NLT) [emphasis mine]

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Today, almost 2 years since writing this, I sit back and smile. God has continued to feed us manna enough for each day. He is so good. So faithful. So unpredictable. He has placed us in a ministry perfectly suited to us. He has paid our mortgage month by month. We have so much to be thankful for. Our treasury of memories is busting out the seams of the pouch in which we are trying to store them. We don’t need to know the outcome of whatever we are facing. We just need to know God and know that he is with us each step of the way.