God's Invitation - Provision - Presence

I’m getting tired of living month to month wondering how we are going to make ends meet. I would just like the pressure to be relieved. I would like ‘normal’ life to return.

When my husband resigned from his last ministry position, we did not know how we were going to manage paying a mortgage while on Employment Insurance. Anyone who has ever gone on EI knows that it only pays 50% of the bills. Which 50% would we pay? The mortgage? The utilities and groceries? The vehicle maintenance and insurance? How would we survive without going into foreclosure? We knew we had obeyed God when he said it was time to relinquish our jobs. So, we trusted (well, we sort of trusted) that God would look after us.

From September 1, 2018 until September 1, 2019 God paid our mortgage one month at a time. He met all our needs. We never went hungry or homeless. We did put our house on the market but with the downturn of the economy no one was/is buying houses in Central Alberta. So, we lived in the comfort of our own home while God took us on an incredible journey of increasing intimacy with him.

At the beginning of each year I spend some time asking God if he has a word for me for the coming year. In January of 2018 he gave me a very clear invitation: ‘dwell in My presence’. Hmmm…I wonder what 2018 will hold...Retiring. Resignation. Panic. Trust. Provision. Then we turned the corner into 2019.

We had just come to the end of our ‘mortgage salvation’ (our bank had allowed us to freeze our payments for 4 months to help alleviate some financial burden). Now what? Our savings were depleted, and we were still unemployed. Tom had pushed on many doors. Some doors remained firmly locked while others opened a crack just to be shut tight when we tried to walk through them.

It seemed the Lord was still working at getting my heart to 'dwell in His presence'. What does ‘dwelling in God’s presence’ look like when you are on a run-away train that is careening toward a canyon where the bridge is out?!! That’s exactly what it felt like. Surely now we would have to foreclose. Nope. God lead several of his people to send us financial gifts. Each gift added to the other was enough to make January’s mortgage payment.

February. Now what? We could sell our canoe. 

You need to understand that our canoe is for us a special pathway to intimacy with God. We love to spend time out on a quiet lake, away from all the busyness of ministry demands. It’s what we do on our Sabbath Rest days. But it was winter. Perhaps by summertime we could replace it. It would be silly to hang on to it and lose the house. We did some research and it turns out our canoe is worth triple of what we bought it for. It would be reasonable to sell it for the value of a mortgage payment. We prepared the advertisement with the plan to put it on Kijiji and Marketplace in the morning. When we woke up the next morning someone had sent us an E-transfer for the exact amount we were planning on selling the canoe for. Oh God you are so much fun! We were good for another month.

March. We thought to ourselves, "Oh, that’s why God had us not sell the canoe in February. March is closer to canoe season and it would sell much easier in March than in February". This time we did get the advertisement posted. The ad went up and we went to bed. In the morning…you guessed it…another email. This email informed us that Tom was going to be getting an inheritance. It would be enough to last us till the end of summer. We would not have to sell our canoe! Our kids said we should name our canoe ‘Isaac’ (see Genesis 22).

Long story short, on September 1, 2019, Tom stepped into the role of Lead Pastor of a church in the same town where his parents live. We had been praying about this for a year; feeling called to be near them as they age and require more support, while still living out our call to full-time ministry. This was perfect.

However, now, though we are not paying a mortgage on half an income, we are paying on two homes with one income. The pressure is still the same. I’m tired of it. I’m ready for some reprieve.

Then Tom preached a sermon. One would think that the wife of the pastor would be able to escape the conviction of her husband's sermons. Not me. He is preaching through the Lord’s Prayer and last Sunday was, “Ask for Provision”.

“Give us today our daily bread.” (Matthew 6:11, NIV84)

Many times, Jesus refers to himself as the ‘bread of life’. Could it be that Jesus was inviting me to partake of him? To focus solely on him and not what I need/want from him?

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33, NIV84)

Busted.

I had been seeking him for his provision. I just wanted to be free of financial stress, not just for today but for tomorrow too, and next month. He has been providing miraculously all the while quietly inviting me to just ‘dwell in his presence’. How had I moved from resting in His presence to panicking about the future? God is first and foremost concerned with our hearts; he wants relationship. 

Have you ever hung out with people who just want to be with you for what you can do for them; always asking for something from you? Or perhaps you have a relationship with someone you can just sit with and be quiet with because you don’t need words, you just like being together. Which one is more fun to hang out with? 

I remember sitting with my dad in relaxed conversation. Sometimes we would reminisce and sometimes I would ask him for advice. Sometimes we would just sit in silence (probably because he had fallen asleep). Sometimes sharing my heart and then listening as he shared his. I did not spend my time with him asking him for stuff (well, sometimes when I was younger I did, and he would sacrifice so that he could give me what I asked for and that sounds like a blog for another day). Can I see my Heavenly Father in that same light? Can I just relax in his presence? Can I be still and quiet long enough that I can hear him speak to me? Can I remain still even if no one is speaking?

In 2018 God invited me to dwell in his presence. Then he began providing for me in ridiculously generous and creative ways. We have enough to pay this month’s mortgage, again. The house still has not sold; it has not even shown since July 2019! But what is more important to me? Am I seeking God’s presence first; looking to him to meet my deep spiritual needs and developing an intimate relationship with him? Or am I stuck seeking his hand and asking for relief of physical needs? Don’t get me wrong I would dearly love to be totally delivered from the financial burden of paying on two homes at the same time. But it is all temporal. Relationship is eternal. Are you seeking God's friendship; his face? Or are you seeking his hand; his physical provision? Choose wisely, my friends.