Transition

“O Jacob, how can you say the LORD does not see your troubles? O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights? Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:27–31, NLT)

I do not transition easily. I was 3 years old when we moved from the farm to an acreage. That little bungalow remained home for me until I got married at the age of 22. My life was fairly predictable and steady. My sister married when I was 12 years old so, being the only other girl, I had a room to myself until I left for college. I never had a large circle of friends but generally had at least one soul sister.

                                                       

My first major transition was moving to Bible College. No longer did I have a room to myself. I was surrounded by strangers. My family lived 20 hours away. My first taste of living life as an adult was to pay my own way through Bible College. I had to pay for everything with.my.own.money! This ‘adulting’ thing looked a lot better from the freedom side of things than it did from the responsibility side. 

God, in his loving kindness, provided an amazing family to ‘adopt’ me during my college years. Though they loved me as their own, having your own 'tribe' nearby is sometimes the only thing that will do. It was a boon to my soul when my sister and her family moved just one mile down the road. 

I went from my dorm room to the parsonage (the home a church sometimes provides for their pastor and family). From a building full of peers to a large house with only 2 people in it. I was a brand-new bride. There were no other young brides my age in our church. I was lonely and poor. I was 1000 miles from home. This was before email, social media, or long-distance phone plans. PC’s were not even a thing, so it was snail mail. I did not have a clue what I had gotten myself in to, but I was in love! I knew God had called me to full time ministry and that my husband Tom had been hand-picked for me by my loving Heavenly Father.

In our thirty some years of marriage, we have lived in all four western provinces serving in seven different churches, in five different denominations. We have three children, born in two different provinces. We have lived in eighteen homes. Our kids have attended eleven different schools. Because we moved 5 times in 4 years during our seminary years, a friend thought it appropriate and even funny to give me a coffee mug with the words, “Home is where the Lord is”. I did not appreciate that mug at the time because I just wanted to have some stability and security; something the same. This was not funny. (It kind of is now)

Someone asked me awhile back where home is for me. I paused, because I didn’t know. The longer I walk on the face of this earth the more I feel like an alien or like a nomad who doesn’t ‘belong’.

Each move and transition to a new home and church family brings with it a new set of trials and adjustments. I don’t move well. It usually takes me a few years to get acclimated. I feel like my heart is being ripped away from people I have come to love, to be deposited into a place where I don’t know anyone. I do not know who is trustworthy or who is not. Who will be my friend? Will anyone want to be my friend? Will the people like my husband and his ministry style? Will they accept my children? Why does a move have to cost so much? Who is a good doctor? Hairdresser? Babysitter? And I can’t find that ingredient anywhere in this grocery store. Does this province or town not carry that?!!

“The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!” The LORD is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.” (Lamentations 3:19–25, NLT)

Once again I find myself in transition. When I wrote this over two years ago I was not in transition. I had worked through the stuff and come to a place of peace. Life was in a comfortable rhythm. The above scriptures have been an anchor for me when life takes unexpected turns. Why then am I struggling now? Did I not learn these lessons? Are they no longer true? 

Every transition brings with it loss and grief. Things beyond my control. Unfamiliarity. And a myriad of unpredictable emotions. There is no way around it, no way over it, no way under it, must go through it. So, as it happens, the above verses once again are my anchor. God is good. He is faithful. He never leaves me, even when I don't necessarily feel him nearby. Transition is complicated. There is a river of joy and a river of sorrow flowing side by side. Joy as I embrace new friends and new opportunities for ministry. But sorrow as I say good-bye to old friends and missed opportunities. Rejoicing in hope for the future and grieving losses.

So I'm back to the question, "Where is home for you?" I now say ‘the Lord’. I have lost all sense of ‘home’ here on earth. Maybe that’s part of the planned lessons from the Lord. Maybe I was never meant to feel ‘at home’ on this side of heaven. On the other hand, if the Lord is my home then I am always at home. And just for the record it seems I am on an ongoing journey of practicing this. 

Transition is a fantastic opportunity to make your home in the Lord. When everything else is up for grabs, or chaos and confusion rule the day, we can feel secure because he never changes, he never abandons us. We cannot move where he is not already there. This may be your opportunity to embrace the Lord as your home and enjoy a sense of being comfortable and at peace because you will never have to transition from that.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” 
(Isaiah 41:10, NLT)

I have one of those old window frames with the paint all peeling off and the wood a little dilapidated. I put pictures of my family, who are scattered all across Alberta, in the window spaces. I searched the scriptures for a verse that wold capsulize our family's odyssey and came across this jewel:

“Through all the generations, LORD, you have been our home!” Psalm 90:1 NLT

Jesus' invitation to you and me: "Come home, sweet child".