Wilderness or Garden?

Have you ever wanted to trust God but were afraid that if you did, he would pull the carpet out from underneath your feet? You know in your head that he is good but…what if…last time…too risky…

I was 30 years old and had been a Christian for 26 years, yet I was still afraid of trusting God completely. I was doing a much better job of looking after me than God could or would. At least that is what my actions and attitudes were showing.

I was driving home from spending an evening with a friend. On my way home Jesus showed up in my mind in vivid video-like fashion. I was sitting on one end of a huge log by the ocean. Jesus was sitting on the other, wearing a plaid lumber-jack shirt and jeans. He was just sitting there relaxed and not at all nervous, elbows on his knees, gazing out to sea. He was not pressuring me to move closer or even engage in conversation. He was so safe, a perfect gentleman. In the course of time I felt comfortable and safe enough to inch ever closer to him. Eventually, I was able to sit right up beside him and rest my head on his shoulder. He was so kind, so patient, no expectations other than just to enjoy each other’s company.

That was a pivotal moment in my relationship with Jesus. It was the beginning of experiencing his presence with no fear, no judgement or condemning feelings, and no sense that I had to be a certain way or do certain things to be acceptable to him. I’d like to say “and we lived happily ever after” but it’s been a journey…two steps forward and one step back…sometimes one step forward and two steps back. Sometimes curled up in a fetal position unable to move at all but all the while aware that he was right there with me.

Perhaps you have had seasons that felt like you were in a wilderness. Caught in the land  between where you had been and where you hoped to arrive? Bleak, arid, dusty, quiet, alone. When I am there, I find myself asking, “Where are you God? How long do I have to be in this desert? How long until you answer me? Where is the green pasture and the peaceful stream that David speaks about in Psalm 23?”

Today I am emerging from years in the wilderness. I am learning that the wilderness is not a place to be dreaded or rushed out of. I can more readily see that now, looking back, than I could while I was wandering around in it. It felt like I had been ‘put on a shelf’ with no purpose but to wait and wander.

One day in this ‘land in between’, while my husband Tom and I were being still with the Lord and asking for direction regarding a decision we needed to make, the Holy Spirit gave me a glimpse of his view of ‘wilderness’.  

Journal entry: July 22, 2016

As I lay on the couch by the south wall, I heard the wind come up and pass through the row of spruce trees. I thought, “He’s here.” The breeze gently blew in the window and brushed along my side. I could smell the scent of warm spruce needles. Then I heard him say, “Why do you call this land in between ‘the wilderness’? Why don’t you call it a ‘garden’? Come walk with me in the garden while we wait to find out what’s in store.”

Could it be that this wilderness I was so tired of was an opportunity for greater intimacy with the Father? An invitation to enjoy his company and not bemoan the fact that I was powerless to change my life circumstances?

In Isaiah 58:11 we read,

“The, LORD will guide you continually watering your life when you are dry and keeping you healthy, too. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.”

The Bible tells us about the years the Israelites wandered around in the wilderness before they were able to move into the Land of Promise. Yes, part of the reason for their delay was disobedience. But there was great purpose in those years. God proved to them over and over again the he was with them and he would look after their needs. They had nothing but time - time to get to know the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and make him their own. By the time they crossed the Jordan to take the land, they knew God so much better than when they first set out. When they had earlier crossed the Red Sea, it was as defenseless slaves who were fearful of their captors. They were running away from the Egyptian army. Forty years later, after they had spent significant time in the wilderness with God experiencing his presence and provision, they crossed the Jordan as warriors marching in to take the land that God had promised them.

I am different for having spent time in the wilderness (or should I say garden?). Sometimes God interrupts our busy lives, even fruitful ministry lives, so we can hear him more clearly. The land in between is a perfect place to be still, quiet our souls and listen for his voice. Time in the wilderness does not feel especially profitable at the time but when I can relax and trust that God is working on something for me it becomes a garden.

If you find yourself in the wilderness today, ask God to reveal his perspective to you. Embrace the walk in the garden. Enjoy his company. He enjoys yours.

Jeremiah 31:3, NIV84

“The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.”

Psalm 21:7-8

“For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. The LORD says, ‘I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.’”

Psalm 37:34

“Don’t be impatient for the LORD to act! Travel steadily along his path. He will honour you, giving you the land.”