Invitation to Intimacy

The turning of the calendar seems a good time to take stock of life. As we enter a new decade many people are writing reviews of their past 10 years. Some people hope for better times ahead. Some people are celebrating glorious years they have enjoyed. For me, recounting God’s faithfulness is like accessing a bounteous bank account. That’s part of the reason I journal. I forget. When I review, I can easily see God’s fingerprints all over the place. I don’t wish to be stuck in the past, but I believe God loves it when we look back and give him thanks for the ways he has been there with us.

Reflection is good for the soul. God often instructed the Israelites to erect monuments to remind them of His faithfulness to them.

Dt 6:1-9 talks about writing the commands God gave his people on the doorposts of their homes, their foreheads and arms, as symbols so that they would remember to teach their children all God had commanded them.

“Samuel then took a large stone and placed it between the towns of Mizpah and Jeshanah. He named it Ebenezer (which means “the stone of help”), for he said, “Up to this point the Lord has helped us!”” (1 Samuel 7:12, NLT) [Emphasis mine]

The Ebenezer stone was a physical symbol, a reminder of God’s faithfulness to his people.

Joshua 4:4–7 records for us another memorial that was set up. Twelve stones were taken from the middle of the Jordan River when the people had crossed on miraculously dried ground. These stones were piled up on the shore so that when subsequent generations would see them, they would ask, and the people would tell of how God faithfully lead his people across the river and into the Promised Land.

With the exhortation to remember and speak of God’s faithfulness I decided to look for a major theme threading its way through the past ten years. I can’t tell you how many times I heard the Lord invite me to rest in his presence.

Rest requires relinquishing. What if while I am resting the world passes me by? What if people get along just fine without my contribution? What if those looking on think me lazy? What if, while I am resting, I experience new facets of God’s presence? What if I see the hand of God at work all around me because I have decided to look for him rather than clamour for control? What if I listen for what he thinks about me rather than what others may or may not think of me?

Toward the end of 2009 I had a little motorbike mishap which left me with a separated left shoulder. I also injured a finger on my right hand in another tumble. And last of all I had a tumor removed from my femoral nerve on my right leg. I was somewhat incapacitated. I HAD to rest, physically.

I entered 2010 determined that I was going to learn how to rest well. I would soon find out that the rest God invited me into was going to take me deeper than I expected. It wasn’t just about not doing stuff. It was an awareness of his presence, intimacy with my saviour.

In March of 2010 we embarked on a trip of a lifetime. It was our 25^th Wedding Anniversary year so as part of a work trip to Turkey our church sponsored us to also include a trip to Guinea West Africa to visit our International Workers. A bonus 36-hour lay over in Paris was thrown in courtesy of airline schedule changes. And finally, an 11-day ‘honeymoon’ in Greece.

For a month we were able set aside all other concerns and just enjoy God and each other. We came back changed. This is when we began our early morning time alone with God. Each with our own cup of coffee in our own chair in our own space. Not that we had not been having our personal devotional time with Jesus, but it took on a new depth as we vigilantly carved out time for him.

Then began a decade of “He gives and takes away”. Our family had grown from 5 to 9 (2 in-laws and 2 grandsons) and by the end of 2011 it had expanded to 11 (3 in-laws and 3 grandsons). Life was good…Until it wasn’t.

In 2012 Tom resigned from an 8-year ministry where we had grown to deeply love the people and they loved us. For too long we had allowed ourselves to minister without giving proper care to our own souls. As a result, we had to step out of ministry for a time of Sabbatical.

2014 went from bad to worse. Our family of 11 soon dwindled to 10 and then 9. Grief upon grief came crashing down on us. Our son-in-law passed away leaving our daughter a 25-yr old widow and mother of 3 boys. Our daughter-in-law wanted nothing more to do with our family and finalized her divorce of our son. My dear friend of over 50 years was instantly wrenched from us when their car plunged into a ravine. These were dark times.

I often refer to 2012 – 2019 as ‘years in the wilderness’. In this season I began to experience what it is like to be in the presence of Jesus in the midst of trauma. I learned that when I have nothing left to give, God still wants to be with me. He just simply sat with me in my pain with no hidden agenda. I had heard his invitation to ‘rest in me’ countless times. Now I could do nothing but rest. I’m pretty sure I heard God say, “Finally you are coming with empty hands.” And so began a few years of allowing God access to my soul to bring about the necessary healing and transformation.

The losses are not over. We are dealing with Alzheimer’s Disease, chronic pain, major transitions, etc. The blessings and additions are not over either. We have a beautiful new daughter-in-law whom we dearly love (we are back to 10). And we all got to celebrate Christmas 2019 together. We have a new church family who is a lot of fun to be with. So many blessings.

Though our house has been on the market for over a year in a sluggish economy God continues to pay our mortgage and expenses. His generosity is too remarkable for words. The math doesn’t add up; there is more ‘out-go’ than ‘in-come’. Somehow, we always have enough for today. Enough money, enough food, enough energy, enough love. Enough of whatever we need.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.”” (Matthew 11:28–30, NLT) 

The last decade has been fraught with grief and trauma but at each step of the way I have experienced God’s gentle loving kindness as he helped me process and learn from the grief. At times I did not believe the last part of the above passage. It did not feel very light. The yoke certainly did not feel like it ‘fit perfectly’. Yet, had I not walked through the deep dark valley I would not know how deep God’s love for me runs and how rich his grace is. It’s been a decade of increasing intimacy with Jesus. It turns out the call to rest was an invitation to intimacy.