My Greatest Sin
It
was a fierce storm and Jesus was asleep in the boat. The disciples were in a
frantic state when they woke him up.
“Teacher,
don’t you even care that we’re going to drown?” (Mark 4:38, NLT 1996)
Two
things I see in this:
1)
They attacked his character – “Don’t you even care”. Their attitude was
accusatory. I know I’ve said the same words to Jesus in the midst of some
chaotic times, when he didn’t rescue me from the storm on my timetable or in
the manner in which I hoped to be rescued.
2)
They had an attitude of fate – helplessness. “We’re going to drown”. They
doubted his ability. I’m also guilty of assuming the worst-case scenario when I
can’t see a way through some challenges. Is God truly sovereign? Does he really
have all this under control, with his best in mind for me? Or do I feel like we
are ‘hooped’?
Rather
than waking Jesus and saying, “We’re in way over our heads, we need your
help”, they panicked and blamed him for ignoring their plight. Even after
hanging out with him 24/7 for months, they still did not know him; they did not
trust him.
Jesus
calms the storm first, then he addresses their behaviour and attitudes.
“Then
he asked them, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still not have faith in me?”” (Mark 4:40, NLT 1996)
It’s
like he’s saying, “Guys, why didn’t you just come to me right away? Why did you
let this storm take you out at the knees? Don’t you know who I am?”
I
have known Jesus for over 50 years. I have a treasure chest, bursting at the
seams, of stories of his faithfulness. After all he has done for me and the
myriad of ways in which he has cared for me, I believe it would be a worse sin
for me to refuse to trust him than to fall into sexual immorality (or any other
heinous sin). To be afraid that he has somehow forgotten me, or that he won’t
come through for me, or that he doesn’t really have my best interests in mind,
is betrayal of the One who has proved his love for me over and over. It is a
total disregard of his character – a spit in his face. It is the worst sin I
could commit. To choose fear over trust is to say to him that I don’t believe
him, or that he has lied to me.
To
my shame and remorse, I remember a time when I told him that what he said in
his Word was not true. I am surprised I wasn’t zapped with a lightning bolt! I was
instantly and deeply convicted by Holy Spirit, which, by the way, felt sort of
like a lightning bolt. My assessment of him in that moment, I am sure, cut him
deeply. I still feel tremendous sorrow that I accused him of lying. I know he
has forgiven me, for that I am so incredibly grateful. And it did reveal to me
that I am capable of falling into serious sin.
I
am sure there are more storms on the horizon. I’m sure I will again have to
walk through the fire or a deep dark valley. S*** happens. But God’s character
is never in question. It may not feel good to me, but I know enough to
know that it will all end up good. He is good and he will not fail me. He is
calling out the Connie he has created. He will go to great lengths to draw her
out and set her free to be exactly who he created her to be.
The
following excerpt is taken from The Complete Fenelon, Translated by
Robert J. Edmonson, CJ, and Hal M. Helms. It was shown to me after a
particularly trying season of much grief and loss. I was fearful of the future
lest it hold more of the same, or even worse pain, than I had just come
through. But when I remember that I am always living in the presence of God,
for he has promised never to leave me, I have nothing to fear.
We
were never meant to be comfortable in this world. Those of us who are Jesus
Followers know that we are not at home in this world. This is merely the
practice room: practicing for living with Jesus for eternity. Practicing our
relationship with him. Practicing trust.
My
greatest sin is not trusting my sweet Father who has given me everything I need
for life and godliness. I have no excuse. I have lived too long with him to claim,
“But I was afraid…”
Comments
Post a Comment