But I Don't Want to Now!

Have you ever known what God wants you to do but you just do not want to do it? Of course, you have! That is a rhetorical question. Have you ever thought about Jesus going through that same struggle? We know the scriptures say that Jesus was tempted in all the same ways we have been or will be.

“Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested.” (Hebrews 2:18, NLT)

“This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin.” (Hebrews 4:15, NLT)

Do we actually believe this? I’m quite sure many of us have said, “Well, Jesus was God, it was easy for him to obey.” As soon as we say this, we are in effect saying that we don’t believe Jesus was fully human, like us. It’s a sort of excuse for our poor behaviour.

If you read the gospels (first 4 books of the New Testament) you will very quickly notice that Jesus often says, “I do only that which my Father tells me to do.” He delighted in doing the Father’s will.

Now read with me Mark 14:32-42

“They went to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and Jesus said, “Sit here while I go and pray.” He took Peter, James, and John with him, and he became deeply troubled and distressed. He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” He went on a little farther and fell to the ground. He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by. “Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” Then he returned and found the disciples asleep. He said to Peter, “Simon, are you asleep? Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour? Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” Then Jesus left them again and prayed the same prayer as before. When he returned to them again, he found them sleeping, for they couldn’t keep their eyes open. And they didn’t know what to say. When he returned to them the third time, he said, “Go ahead and sleep. Have your rest. But no—the time has come. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Up, let’s be going. Look, my betrayer is here!”” (Mark 14:32–42, NLT)

Three times Jesus asked Father to give him a different cup to drink. He was vexed. He was in terrible turmoil. I’m wondering what was bothering Jesus the more: the thought of going to the cross or the fact that he was struggling with doing what his Father wanted him to do. The Bible does not record any other time when he experienced this quandary.

I can certainly relate to the struggle of submitting to Father’s will. There have been many times I’ve said to him, “You have got to be kidding! You don’t seriously want me to do that?! I am not a fan of this path. Is there another path you could just create, you’re good at that sort of thing?” Oh, I’ve even come up with amazing, strategic alternatives for him, in case he hadn’t thought of them yet.

Jesus knew before he ever consented to be born a human that the road was going to be marked with suffering and would take him through unthinkable trauma. Yet, he came. His ministry began and ended with testing. He sets out into the wilderness to fast and pray with Father in preparation for ministry. After 40 days he is hungry and weak. Satan shows up and begins to hammer him with temptations. With each temptation Jesus fires back scripture. Luke 4:13 (NLT) says,

“When the devil had finished tempting Jesus, he left him until the next opportunity came.”

Fast forward 3 years and we have another situation of great temptation for Jesus. The enemy shows up when Jesus is most vulnerable and starts hammering away at him. All of a sudden, Jesus starts having second thoughts. The salvation plan had seemed like a good idea…until it was staring him in the face. These emotions, this fleshy part of him, was pulling and prodding him. Is the cross really necessary? There must be another way we didn’t think of before. Dad, please make it go away, please find some way of accomplishing your plan without all this agony. Three times Jesus asked his Father to take the cup away, to make another way to accomplish the plan for reconciling man to God.

““Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me.”” (Mark 14:36a, NLT)

If Jesus can pray that way, so can we. We can pour out our honest hearts before the Father. Sometimes our journey is unthinkable. We just cannot see a way through and don’t think we’ll ever be able to make it out alive. Many times, I have cried, “Oh, God, please stop this. I can’t do it anymore!”

But Jesus doesn’t stop there. He surrenders.

“Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” (v.35b)

The cross was the only way.

The bottom line must be surrender and trust. Trust that somehow God is accomplishing some good out of the situation; something good for me, those in my sphere of influence and for his glory. This does not make the suffering easier, but it does make it worth it.  

I’ve been studying the book of Mark with the help of Ray C. Stedman. He suggests that if we water down Jesus’ struggle, we also water down what it says about Jesus being tempted and tested just like we are, but without sinning. He chose obedience. He threw himself on the mercy and grace of Father. The cup was not removed, but an angel was sent to minister to him. Thus sustained, he could drink the cup.

The answer to our ‘impossible’ obedience is to “cast ourselves afresh upon the mercy and grace of God, knowing that if God does not go with us, it won’t work. But we determine to obey on the basis of God’s character.” (The Ruler Who Serves, Ray C. Stedman, p. 166)

I have walked a long arduous journey of step-by-step faith in God. I’m not bowing out now. There are many unresolved issues in my life, but I don’t need the answers today, I know that God is faithful and good. Sometimes the way to a better life is to drink a cup that doesn’t taste so good.

Jesus didn’t want to obey – was tempted just like us – but after wrestling with his own will, he resolutely obeyed. Because of that, I am here today.

Luke 22:43-44 records that God sent an angel to come alongside Jesus and strengthen him in his time of distress. God also sent angels to care for him during/after his time in the wilderness and severe testing by the devil. Jesus’ ministry began and ended with fierce temptation. Both times angels were sent to help sustain him. I believe there have been many times when God sent his angels to sustain me, when I just could not take one more step.

I am deeply, emotionally moved by my Father’s heart of compassion and his desire to see his people win. He is cheering for our success and gives us all we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). I am so grateful that Jesus surrendered and drank that awful cup. I am so grateful God sent angels to sustain him. I am so grateful for the many examples of Father’s compassion throughout the scriptures on those who struggled with surrender, because then I too can receive his compassion and his sustenance as I engage in a battle of wills, mine against his.

When I don’t want to obey, I remember Jesus also battled with that. Because his default was to talk to his Father, he knelt in the garden with an open and honest heart. As he prayed, he overcame his own desires and bent to the will of his Father. That’s the only way we will ever be able to stand against the temptation to disobey, honesty in prayer.