Bracing for Impact

 

I don’t know if this title resonates with anyone else, but I have often operated in a perpetual state of ‘bracing for impact’. It’s exhausting. I sleep with one eye open and one ear to the ground, ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice. The toughest challenge is when my kids are facing unknown difficulties. I watch helplessly from the sidelines waiting for resolution. How will this end? When will this end? Will it turn out well, or will we have to walk through the valley of trauma again? As a Jesus Follower, why am I not exempt from this sort of journey?

Many years ago, when our late son-in-law was still alive, I was in a constant state of ‘bracing for impact’. He was battling mental illness and addictions. Our daughter and their boys were dealing with the fall-out of his choices and behaviour. Addiction is not a choice. One does not wake up one morning and decide, “Today I’m going to become an addict”. It begins with a choice but eventually gains the upper-hand and choice is removed from the addict. The entire family and friend circle is affected by the life of the addict. I was a mother who slept with one eye opened and my ear to the ground, waiting like a coiled spring for that dreaded phone call telling me that disaster had fallen on my family. Because I had been bracing for impact for so long, it was very difficult to retrain my brain to relax once the threat was no longer there.

Eventually all of us will be impacted by one trial or another. I’m not suggesting we just develop a laissez-faire attitude – whatever will be will be – because that would be irresponsible. But ‘white-knuckling’ your life or the lives of those around you will most certainly result in injury; injury to your own soul, your relationships with those around you, and your relationship with God.

The other day while I was journaling about the unpredictability of our life with a father battling Alzheimer Disease and a mother battling heart disease, I recorded that I feel like I am once again ‘bracing for impact’, waiting for some trauma to take place, knowing that if things were left as they were, it was not a matter of if it would hit but when. I want to be prepared for the trauma. I want to control the outcome. I don’t want to get taken out at the knees so I’m bracing myself. I’m exhausted. I can’t sustain this. I found myself writing, “How can I rest while I’m bracing for impact?” I can’t. Not truly.

In the beginning of March my husband and I were taking a drive out to the country where we had planned to do a bit of snowshoeing. It was a bit windy, but we figured that down in the valley we would be sheltered from the wind. The sun was shining, it had the makings of a glorious day. As we turned East it wasn’t long before the roads became a challenge. The fresh snow from the previous few days was picked up by the wind and catching on the wet pavement. “It’s okay, we have a 4x4 if it gets really bad,” I said. We kept trucking along. Midway in an especially long stretch of deep slushy snow, our truck started fishtailing. My husband made a valiant effort to keep us on the road – left, right, left, right. There was a point at which I knew he had lost the battle. I braced myself as I prepared for the impact of hitting the ditch. It felt like we were going to roll over but as quickly as it had begun, we came to rest, deep into the ditch. That was too close for comfort. We sat and did some deep breathing for a bit. Good we brought snacks and drink with us because we were going to be here a while waiting for a tow truck. Then we saw that the rear tires were on the field, so Tom put the truck into 4x4 low and backed us up onto the farmer’s field and drove back onto the road on the nearest driveway. We didn’t even have to call AMA for help. We went home. It wasn’t until the next day that my body began to feel the effects of bracing for impact. I was very sore. Maybe if I had just assumed the crash position, I would have fared much better.

Think of how much more worn out I would have felt if I had begun bracing for impact while we were still in our driveway, while the roads were still good. Just in case we go into the ditch I should be bracing for it, right? It sounds ridiculous when applied to this situation. But is it not just as ridiculous when applied to any life situation? Just like I did not know the roads were going to turn so ugly so quickly, none of us knows what is around the bend. It would not have done a bit of good to brace ahead of time. We would have still hit the ditch, but I would have been much sorer. Plus, I would have been an awful travel companion. I would have sucked the joy out of the excursion for both Tom and me.

We live in a fallen, dying world. There is an abundance of sorrow and pain and anxiety. But there is also an abundance of joy, healing, grace, and peace. Why is it so much easier to brace for pain than it is to brace for joy? How much energy have I wasted by bracing for the impact that never materialized?

I’ve seen some kids when they fall off their bikes just sort of ‘tuck and roll’ while others hit the ground flailing. Which one do you think is more likely to get injured? Without a doubt it is the one who is flailing. The ‘tuck and roll’ attitude is one that is prepared without bracing. Oh, they may still get bloodied but much less so than the one bracing for impact by flailing.

I know all of this in my head, but it is taking a long time to make it into my heart. I can quite easily preach it to another when all the while I am bracing for impact myself. Talk about being hypocritical.

“Father, teach me how to ‘tuck and roll’. I know you are faithful and good. I know that you will give me whatever I need in the moment. You don’t give tomorrow’s grace to me today. I gain nothing by trying to make myself ready for the worst-case scenario. In fact, if anything, I steal from tomorrow’s grace when I try and figure everything out today.

You [God] say:

“Be strong and courageous...” (Joshua 1:6, NLT)

Be strong and very courageous...” (Joshua 1:7, NLT)

Here’s what I know:

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” (Romans 8:38, NLT)

“Thank you, Father, for your faithfulness, even when I doubt your capability to rescue me, when I fail to trust you with tomorrow. The worst thing that could ever happen to me is to somehow be separated from your love, but you have given me your solemn vow that that will never happen. Thank you.”

I had to write this blog because I am preaching to myself. I am practicing the ‘tuck and roll’ so that I can mitigate future injury and learn to live at rest even in unresolved circumstances. Nothing life throws at me can trump how dearly I am loved by Father. I can be strong and very courageous because nothing can separate me from God’s love.



Apparently my grandson needs to practice "tuck and roll" a little. Or he did, and it could have been so much worse. We'll never know. 😁

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