What's on Your Table?

 

                                                                             

Be comfortable at the table God has prepared for you without looking to the table he has prepared for others. 

There are days I sit in jealousy. I see my peers sitting in their family church pew surrounded by parents, kids, grandkids…4 generations. They have grown up with the same friends and lived in the same community all their lives. We, on the other hand have been transient. Our kids are splashed across the province of AB. Our siblings span the country from MB to BC. I have no concept of living in the same community for my entire life, raising my kids, and them raising theirs, in the same community and attending the same church.

The cost of following Jesus in vocational ministry has felt higher in the last while than it has felt before. I have lost both of my parents while living far away from them. And now my children are living a fair distance from me. I don’t have the opportunity to be involved in the daily grind of my kids and grandkids lives.

Some people get to have their parents around until they are well into their 90s, hale and hearty. I, on the other hand, had to say good-bye to my dad early. An incurable disease took him and during the last 10+ years of his life dementia took his mind before the disease took his body. Cancer took my mom long before I was ready to say good-bye to her. Why do some people get to keep their parents and I don’t?

Some of my peers have a pile of grandbabies frolicking around them at family gatherings. I do not. Some families seem to live a trauma-free life. Again, I do not. Some people seem to be the energizer bunny, I must manage my margin very carefully.

On the other side of the spectrum, my kids all love to come home. Some families are fractured and have gone years without speaking to one another. Some marriages have broken up but mine continues to flourish and grow. Some people are homeless, but I have a place I call home, the same house I can go to every day, the same bed to sleep in every night; heck, a bed to sleep in every night, with more than enough food every day.

If I live my life comparing myself to those around me, I vacillate between jealousy and relief, even a certain amount of pride; jealous when I don’t have as much as some – whining that it is just not fair, and a little bit arrogant or smug that I have more than others – patting myself on my own back as though I somehow earned it or deserved it. Very soon my focus is drawn away from Jesus and onto my surroundings.

Self-pity or pride, both are intolerable. Comparison never ends well. Comparison robs me of joy and rest. It also robs me of my calling and destiny.

“You cannot be my disciple if you do not carry your own cross and follow me.” (Luke 14:27, NLT) Emphasis mine.

“Simply put, if you’re not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can’t be my disciple.” (Luke 14:33, The Message)

Journal entry on December 14, 2021. I wrote in response to my reading in Luke 14:

“Don’t despair at the high cost you are paying to be one of Jesus’ disciples. Keep going. Keep your eyes on the goal, on Jesus.”

Obedience is hard. Disobedience is harder.

In John 21 Jesus had just finished calling Peter to a life of serving him. It’s going to be a challenge, but Jesus invites Peter, “Follow me”. Then Peter looks over at John and asks, “What about him?

“Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.”” (John 21:22, NLT)

“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others.”                          (Galatians 6:4, The Message) Emphasis mine.

“Each person must be responsible for himself.” (Galatians 6:5, NCV)

I have found that when I pour myself into what God has called me to, and wired me for, I don’t have time or energy to compare myself to those around me. It no longer has a grip on me because there is a deep sense of satisfaction in doing what I’m wired to do. The assignment is not always enjoyable, but it is rewarding, nonetheless. Rewarding because I know I have obeyed. Rewarding because I am not responsible to do that which he has called others to, only that which he has called me to. If I am preoccupied with what is on the table of those around me, I will no longer enjoy what is on my table. This doesn’t mean I no longer feel the cost of “taking up my own cross”, I feel it almost daily – more in some seasons than in others. It means that when I find myself slipping into jealousy for what I don’t have or arrogance in what I do have I am reminded that I’m looking at the wrong table. God has gifted, equipped, and called me to things that are suited to me. He is giving me everything I need to accomplish the task he has set before me.

“…When you’ve done everything expected of you, be matter-of-fact and say, ‘The work is done. What we were told to do, we did.’” (Luke 17:10, The Message)

“You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.” (Psalm 23:5, NLT)

 

Don’t let your enemy, the Devil, steal your joy at the table God has prepared for you. God has lovingly prepared exactly the right setting, food, refreshment, blessings, etc. tailor-made for you.